Saturday, December 12, 2015

Finding love again

Hello guys today's post
is about love.

art by Enakei

It's a sensitive subject for all of us isn't it?
When my last relationship came to an end,
I felt like I was stuck in a long non ending dark tunnel.
I didn't think or feel I was going to get past this.
It was extremely painful.
Nothing eased the pain.
I felt hopeless and I kept drowning more and more.
I constantly thought of him and thought over and over
what could've done to save the relationship.
I felt so damaged 

After 3 years now,
I'm happy to say that I made it out of that dark tunnel,
and  I'm in love with a wonderful person.
He doesn't erase the scars but he puts ease on them.

However this journey wasn't easy.
It certainly wasn't flowers and rainbows.
It is a very rocky path.
Don't feel discourage by it or give up on it.

So here's to the beginning of my post,
"Finding love again"

Perhaps after your break up or divorce, You may feel like you can't go on without this person. You're going to feel you're very worst. You're going to feel like you are unable to love someone else, and that you want that person back. You're going to feel that no matter how much love you receive around you, that is not going to be enough. However, finding love doesn't start with someone else loving you. Love starts with you first. 
Before I could move on the next stage, I had to learn to love and value myself.
Look up, 
You're not someone who should get taken advantage of. 
You're not someone who should get stepped on.  
You're not someone that begs for someone to love you.
No and No and more No.

You are someone who should be appreciated.
You are someone who should be cared for and loved for.
You are someone who is worthy of love and appreciation.

If someone ever makes you feel unlike so, then take your lovely self out that door.

In order to be ready for another relationship
You must first understand this.
You are a very precious being who deserves to be loved just as anyone else on this universe.

You're going to feel lonely, that I guarantee you.
You're going to crave for love. 
You're going to want someone to hold you.
However, you mustn't go to the first person who shows you this love and attention.
At this stage you're not sure about your feelings or what you even want.
Not only are you hurting that person, but you're also damaging yourself. 

That is why the first step is finding value in yourself.
Loving yourself.
I used to think this way,
"How can I love myself if no one else loves me? How can I learn to love myself if there's absolutely no one that cares about me?"
That was majorly wrong of me.

In order to love someone else, 
You have to learn that there's value in you to find that value in another person. 

Loving yourself is much easier said than done of course.
  • First than anything if you haven't you have to get away people who make you feel worthless.You do not need this people in your life. They're solely there to make you miserable.
  • Be selfish, you are first, then you and lastly you. I know what you're thinking, "Isn't being  selfish in a relationship bad though?" In a relationship yes, but when you're on your own you must understand that YOU matter, that YOUR feelings matter, that whatever you do or think MATTERS. You shouldn't put anyone else's feelings in front of you and certainly nothing should stop you from obtaining happiness or something you truly want.
  • Pamper yourself. You're not going to feel better if you let yourself be miserable. Get up, do skincare, do your hair, buy nice clothes, dress up, work out. Sure it may not make you feel entirely better, but you're making an effort to feel better by glamming up. You're taking care of yourself. 
  • Don't stay cooped up ! Let the world see your wonderful face and have the chance to talk to wonderful you. This doesn't mean to go find a new partner, this just means to go talk to someone or get to know someone. You can later consider them as a "candidate" . The point to this is for you to not stop your life because you feel depressed. You need to interact, not stay home and think of ugly and sad stuff that will not improve your state.
  • Life doesn't stop for you after losing someone you loved. Life is full of other kind of struggles and rocky paths but just because of them it doesn't mean you should give up. Rather see it as a life lesson. If you feel like you can't take it, talk. Talk to someone who is close to you, whether it's your parents, siblings or friends or other family. Don't bottle your feelings up. You're not alone in this world. There's people who love you and are willing to listen to you. Nothing that is struggling you is silly or easy, talk it out with someone. It may not solve everything but your mental state will at least be eased.
  • It's totally NORMAL to miss, think of, want that person. This is not an easy process but that doesn't mean that you're a failure for wanting such person. It just means that you loved and cared for that person that much. If anything you are a lovely person whose love that person didn't deserve at all.
  • Keep yourself occupied by doing the things you love, and again It's not going to make you feel entirely well. It's not going to entirely keep your mind off that person or things that hurt you. You're just engaging yourself in things that you love and being productive. That's because you are a human being that is worth to this world. You are not useless, you do things that you love and you are being productive. Not sitting your dark room feeling sorry for yourself and sad. 
Little by little you will regain yourself again. Again, it's not an easy journey. You will have days where you want to stay in bed and avoid interaction with others and not want to be productive but that's fine too. You need to take care of yourself. You will reach that point where you feel like you're an awesome living being. You're going to feel super great but do take in note that you will also have sad days and that's normal too. We don't grow into super beings the next day, next next day, next week, the next month or next year. Healing takes time, and without you realizing or feeling like so you are making progress. As you make progress you also will feel mentally and physically better. In those moments, you may run into someone that catches your attention and you will be ready to move to that next stage.


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