Sunday, May 17, 2015

Dealing with a hard break up

Hello my dears! 
I'm doing a personal post for you.
It's dealing with a hard break up 

I know that dealing with a break up it's really hard
so I want to talk about it with you.

It would be a lie if I told you I'm better now.
I'm not exactly perfectly fine but I'm well.
Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn't.

My break up happened about 2-3 years ago.
Well actually there wasn't an actual break up, I just distanced myself.
Until I ended it later on.
I don't know where to even start...
Ending that relationship was seriously really hard on me.
It was a LDR (long distance relationship) so it was really really hard.
However that person was not in love with me anymore.
I knew it and deep inside he knew it too.
He told me he needed time to have fun when we were in a relationship.
Which considering that it was a long distance relationship, that was such a horrible thing for me.
He had me waiting like the side girl.
I'm not even sure if he ever cheated on me but there was an occasion where the girl 
apologized about dirty dancing because he had me and used my ethnicity as an insult.
I was so mad and i told both of them off and later apologized to her because he made me.
I loved him so much and I was so young and naive that I would do anything to keep him around.
I cried and he laughed.
My feelings were laughed at and ignored.
If stuff happened it was my fault.
and so on.
However I wasn't so perfect either, I had my share of mistakes.
I knew I shouldn't be with such person who was harming me emotionally like that.
However it took me longer to realize this and even more to leave him.
He was my everything and I can't even explain how much I loved him.

At first i distanced myself to get him to notice me and love me again.
That didn't work the first time.
Until I literally stopped talking to him for 2 months or so.
He would message me many times but it was too late for me.

I tried moving on and at first it was really hard.
During the day it was the easiest but the nights were horrible.
I would cry myself to sleep asking god why it had to be that way and praying
for me to be with him or to give me a sign as to what to do.
Sometimes i wouldn't even get to sleep.
It was the worst months of my life.
Gradually it got better.
 I thought of him sometimes but just thought of it as the right thing to do
for the both of us.
I just remembered the things that drove me out of the relationship and that helped quite a lot.
I always focus on those reasons so I don't regret.

Do keep in mind that moving on is not something you do overnight.
Don't get frustrated at yourself if you can't move on.
It takes time and effort.
There will be days you're happy and other days where you feel like you're
breaking apart.
I also had some days that I think no matter how much love I receive I won't feel 
There's also days you will think of that individual and painful feelings will come back,
crying is okay too and missing that person is also okay.
Don't blame yourself for doing so, it only means that you loved sincerely.
You can't leave behind someone you loved so much that easily,
it's only normal to look back at your path and fall.

I also don't recommend rushing into a relationship either
 because it's even more harder on you,
Although I know it can also be helpful towards healing
 it's not fair to that person to have someone else in your heart.
Unless they are aware and fine with it.
I still think however that it's not good for you nor for that person,
it's just better to take some time for yourself and don't go out with someone
because they show you a bit of love.

Up until now, I'm living well.
Sometimes I will think of him and our time together
and I'll feel sad and miss it. 
However I don't miss the times i cried and felt pain when I was with him.
I'm not going to lie either, sometimes I stalk him sometimes to see what's going on.
I also dream of him from time to time.
It's only normal.
In my case he was part of my life for 3 years.
You can't rip out someone you loved just like that from your life.

There's many times i looked back and fell,
I told myself many times that I couldn't.
I didn't want to wake up nor deal with people.
Even so, I woke up everyday
and i got up and kept walking.
You don't realize it but you're moving forward.
Time eventually flies and heals you little by little.

If you're in a relationship that makes you feel miserable
and you already confronted your partner about it,
please don't stay.
You're much better than that and deserve better.

If you're suffering right now,
don't worry.
The pain lessens in time.

thank you for reading

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