Tuesday, February 28, 2017

The online world and the world in general

Hello my lovely bunnies~
I hope you all been doing fine!
I finally caught a breather from school~
Therefore I wanted to talk about something that 
has been affecting me and that i have
noticed others getting affected by.
It's going to be a long long post, 
but sit with me through it.
As you have come to noticed,
My social media updates have been decreasing throughout the years, compared to when I used to update almost everyday. While school is also to blame for, there's something else that turned me away more and more from the online world and the world itself.

I had received negative and positive views of my persona and physique through the years I been active. As you can imagine, something in me changed when I started receiving this negativeness. 
However, it's not only online where i get this negativeness, but also as I was growing up, I always had this idea that I was not enough. I always thought that my nose was really big,  that I was not ideally skinny, that my eyes were uneven, that my face wasn't attractive and so on.
So I would try so hard to hide or change that about me.
I would photoshop my nose slimmer into ridiculous ways...
(here's a old picture for reference)
ridiculous right?
I didn't stop there. I would slim my face and my body, hide my uneven eyes with glue or eyelid tape.
And it wasn't just because people were bluntly pointing out my big nose as a child
but also being brainwashed as to what is "beautiful"
Let me give you an example,
Kylie Jenner nowadays is quite popular for her looks, specifically her lips. So a lot of girls of course wanted big lips like hers to feel beautiful and that's wrong. I'm not talking about trying out the look that's wrong, but feeling like you have to be a certain way to be considered beautiful is what's wrong.
But hold that thought for a second and let me finish here;
 I didn't stop there.
I always felt pressured as to changing, the way i presented myself. 
It got to a point where I just wasn't enjoying anything anymore.
It was getting this, because this popular person was wearing it and I wanted to look like that.
Buying clothes to fit a certain trend, which absolutely became something horrid for me as someone who shops for clothes a lot.

It was always wanting to catch up to these persons that I thought were beautiful, inspiring and that I respected very much.

I became tired, and uninspired. 
I didn't want to upload photos. 
I didn't want to shop for clothes.
 I didn't want to look in the mirror 
I just wanted nothing to do with my social medias.

So instead, of looking at social media (with the exception of facebook)
I worked hard.
I went to school, came home, studied, and slept.
For many months this was my routine.
But I was reverting to my old self.
Thus became wary so I decided I should be more social.
So I surrounded myself with people who had mutual interests as mine,
who made me laugh and feel comfortable with myself.
It took me a while, but this person who was my friend and still respect regardless,
dumped me like I was meaningless and that really opened my eyes 
as to what a friend really is. 
And so I surrounded myself with only people who loved me, 
and appreciated the person I was.
As well as trying hard to not be friends with people who were drowning me.
Time has been passing, and
although I'm not quite there yet
I'm regaining my love for myself, 
I'm becoming inspired again,
I'm learning to love and let go and forgive.
I'm getting to know myself all over again.

It's not only because I've surrounded myself by people who love me only,
but because I started changing my mentality through the love I give myself, and theirs. 
I didn't need to be someone else or look a certain way
All I needed to do is be myself.

It's funny because, we hear ourselves and each other always saying,
Be yourself.
But in this society, is so rare for someone to be comfortable in their skin.
I applaud those, who are and I respect you so so much.
We need more of you to promote this mentality and feeling.

In addition,
Lately, I seen a lot of my friends who run blogs, youtubes, and other social media
being discussed by others about their persona, physique, and their lifestyle.
I'm sure some of them have come to feel as I felt, and some they're just so inspiring and amazing 
and keep doing what they love to do.

I just wanted to tell you all even if you don't run a social media that,
everyone will have critics about you, 
In your family, in your job, around your friends, and just overall throughout your life
and I'm not talking about "hate" because hate and critics are very different from each other
or those critics that downright sound like hate.
We have to learn to take those critics, and either:

1. We take these critics and try to do something with them, only if they're reasonable
2. Ignore them and keep doing what makes us happy as long as were not damaging anyone in the process.  

We also have to keep in mind, that not everyone will like us or agree with us
because we humans have the ability to think different but that's okay. 
We have no business trying to appeal to those who don't like us,
in fact we cannot force them to like us.
It's better for us to move on from them,
and focus only in the people who appreciate us.
We can't let them, conduct our lives and let them take away our joys
just because they don't find it appealing.

There's always going to be trends and there's always going to be beauty standards,
sometimes it's going to make you feel unattractive and poorly about yourself.
You're going to want to buy all this products because you want to look a certain way,
and that's fine but don't be sadden if you don't look "beautiful" like all those other people.

Because the word "beautiful" is such a delicate idea to the human being.
We all have our own idea of beautiful and were never satisfied.
But, get this through your head,

You were created in a very special way. There's no one who exactly, thinks and feels as you do.
There's no one who has the same exact physique as you.
There's only one of you on this earth, who carries these very special characteristic.
The very fact that you exist is very special.

No matter what others say or what you think,
You're beautiful, you're special, and there's no one like you.

I love you for existing, and being part of this world.



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