Diary 3: updates updates and more updates.

Hello Hello~

I been gone enough right?

I apologize for neglecting this blog and my social medias.

Lately I haven't been feeling well.

I don't mean illness but mentally.

 I have just been a huge ball of negative emotions.

I know I don't talk very much to everyone, but i do 

hope you know that I sincerely care for all of you.

I can be very distant as a friend but that's only because that's how 

I handle my problems and don't wish to pass on my negativeness

or cause unnecessary worries.

I still don't feel too well, but i really needed to vent out because I feel,

I'm neglecting my blog and friends and with no comforting boyfriend by my side

I feel like I'm walking in circles around the problem.

but....

First things first,

I passed my Math class!

Probably the only thing that has kept me happy.

I really thought I was going to fail that class because 

I felt that I bombed the final exam.

There wasn't any math solving, there was just questions 

asking why you solved a problem a certain way.

Turns out i didn't do bad!

I'm relieved and happy that I don't have to see math ever again.

And now with the summer semester over,

I can finally relax and not be stressed.

Yet I been feeling extremely down.

My self-esteem is on the dumps and I feel unwanted by everyone.

I been feeling really miserable because of it.

I have been looking at myself a lot more harsher and hating everything i see.

I also been digging into my past which was not the best idea 

but I still did.

I found this on tumblr and I didn't have anything explain how i feel so well,

Have you ever felt like that?

This literally is me.

I'm not surprised if I have social anxiety disorder

I mean I freak out by the thought of having to make a call,

or having to go to places on my own,

ordering food on my own or talking to any other human being who 

isn't my family.

Back in High school, 

having a boyfriend was too stressful for me

I hated talking on the phone or just talking to a person

Holding hands, kissing, hugging was too much for me.

So really I'm not surprised seeing how for 21 years I been avoiding

social gatherings or anything that leads me to physically meeting people

including meetings and speaking in public.

Now Although is not much of a big change I'm more comfortable speaking in public

I just shake a little.

Also now I have a boyfriend that I won't get off from.

Speaking of the little cutie, 

He's on his way to Hong Kong right now 

I'm pretty sure he'll land soon since I counted the hours of the flight.

It should land around 1am or so.

I'm really sleepy but I can't sleep in peace without knowing he landed safely.

He's going to be gone for a whole month.

It hasn't been a day in Hong Kong, there's still a month to go

Yet I broke down in tears because I miss him so much.

I never been apart from him ever since we started dating.

I haven't experienced distance in such a long time,

I became to attached to him and while it's comforting 

It's also scary.

I miss him so much.

I can't explain how i feel right now.

It's like I been holding onto my feelings and they're causing me pain in the chest.

I almost cried my eyes out in our last day.

I really don't know how i will take a whole month.

I'm going to go insane and depressed.

I can't wait for him to come back already.

here's a picture of us that i've decided to share.

Since to me his privacy is important I don't share anymore our pictures.

This one doesn't really show his face so it's fine.

我想你!

Well enough mopping around !

I went to wedding in Mexico.

I went along with my mom, her husband and his daughter.

I was in the last floor!

it was so hot...I dreaded the church ceremony because

It was extremely hot.

When I got back home I actually suffered from dehydration for 2 days.

No matter how many water i drank i was extremely thirsty!

I was also suffering from headaches and dizziness.

Thankfully it's over with.

Here's a picture of my mom's husband's daughter;

And this well this is alcohol.

No I'm just kidding! haha

But don't they look like margaritas?

It's actually lemonades.

The wedding was held in such huge garden,

I wish I could've taken more picture but I was being 

a grumpy sleepy girl.

I specifically loved this area of the garden because

It had this awesome "Love" huge letters.

well that's all i suppose.

Besides the wedding I haven't done anything.

Thank you for reading

and god bless

xoxo

momochiime