Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Diary 3: updates updates and more updates.

Hello Hello~
I been gone enough right?

I apologize for neglecting this blog and my social medias.
Lately I haven't been feeling well.
I don't mean illness but mentally.
 I have just been a huge ball of negative emotions.
I know I don't talk very much to everyone, but i do 
hope you know that I sincerely care for all of you.
I can be very distant as a friend but that's only because that's how 
I handle my problems and don't wish to pass on my negativeness
or cause unnecessary worries.
I still don't feel too well, but i really needed to vent out because I feel,
I'm neglecting my blog and friends and with no comforting boyfriend by my side
I feel like I'm walking in circles around the problem.


First things first,
I passed my Math class!

Probably the only thing that has kept me happy.
I really thought I was going to fail that class because 
I felt that I bombed the final exam.
There wasn't any math solving, there was just questions 
asking why you solved a problem a certain way.
Turns out i didn't do bad!
I'm relieved and happy that I don't have to see math ever again.
And now with the summer semester over,
I can finally relax and not be stressed.

Yet I been feeling extremely down.
My self-esteem is on the dumps and I feel unwanted by everyone.
I been feeling really miserable because of it.
I have been looking at myself a lot more harsher and hating everything i see.
I also been digging into my past which was not the best idea 
but I still did.

I found this on tumblr and I didn't have anything explain how i feel so well,

Have you ever felt like that?
This literally is me.
I'm not surprised if I have social anxiety disorder
I mean I freak out by the thought of having to make a call,
or having to go to places on my own,
ordering food on my own or talking to any other human being who 
isn't my family.
Back in High school, 
having a boyfriend was too stressful for me
I hated talking on the phone or just talking to a person
Holding hands, kissing, hugging was too much for me.
So really I'm not surprised seeing how for 21 years I been avoiding
social gatherings or anything that leads me to physically meeting people
including meetings and speaking in public.

Now Although is not much of a big change I'm more comfortable speaking in public
I just shake a little.
Also now I have a boyfriend that I won't get off from.
Speaking of the little cutie, 
He's on his way to Hong Kong right now 
I'm pretty sure he'll land soon since I counted the hours of the flight.
It should land around 1am or so.
I'm really sleepy but I can't sleep in peace without knowing he landed safely.
He's going to be gone for a whole month.
It hasn't been a day in Hong Kong, there's still a month to go
Yet I broke down in tears because I miss him so much.
I never been apart from him ever since we started dating.
I haven't experienced distance in such a long time,
I became to attached to him and while it's comforting 
It's also scary.
I miss him so much.
I can't explain how i feel right now.
It's like I been holding onto my feelings and they're causing me pain in the chest.
I almost cried my eyes out in our last day.

I really don't know how i will take a whole month.
I'm going to go insane and depressed.
I can't wait for him to come back already.

here's a picture of us that i've decided to share.
Since to me his privacy is important I don't share anymore our pictures.
This one doesn't really show his face so it's fine.


Well enough mopping around !

I went to wedding in Mexico.
I went along with my mom, her husband and his daughter.

I was in the last floor!

it was so hot...I dreaded the church ceremony because
It was extremely hot.
When I got back home I actually suffered from dehydration for 2 days.
No matter how many water i drank i was extremely thirsty!
I was also suffering from headaches and dizziness.
Thankfully it's over with.

Here's a picture of my mom's husband's daughter;

And this well this is alcohol.
No I'm just kidding! haha
But don't they look like margaritas?
It's actually lemonades.

The wedding was held in such huge garden,
I wish I could've taken more picture but I was being 
a grumpy sleepy girl.

I specifically loved this area of the garden because
It had this awesome "Love" huge letters.

well that's all i suppose.
Besides the wedding I haven't done anything.

Thank you for reading
and god bless

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